The Big Gay Musical, Muzyczne

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{367}{416}Do I look fat?{531}{566}I'm serious.{570}{618}Do l?{639}{710}Yes.|Yes, you look fat.{720}{774}As big as a house.{803}{865}I cannot believe you just said that.{874}{939}And here I am, carrying your baby.{967}{1034}How do I know it's my baby?{1039}{1107}Do you know what your problem is?{1122}{1180}You've got a chip on your shoulder.{1202}{1228}Yes.{1233}{1261}Just can't.{1266}{1302}And it's as big as a boulder.{1307}{1370}I can't take it.|I can't take it, excuse me.{1375}{1430}Excuse me, excuse me.{1451}{1481}Excuse me.{1494}{1566}Sir, are you okay?|Is there anything you need?{1570}{1645}Yes.|I need a musical.{1658}{1688}A BlG{1693}{1717}GAY{1722}{1757}MUSlCAL!{2700}{2777}I love being OFF Broadway!{2790}{2817}Ladies and gentleman,{2822}{2885}welcome to the first preview|of "Adam and Steve -{2890}{2939}Just the Way God Made 'Em. "{2943}{2978}Before the show begins,{2982}{3046}we need to let you know that|the show was rated "FLAMlNG"{3050}{3106}by the Coalition of Christians.{3110}{3168}But that doesn't mean it's|about homosexuals.{3173}{3230}It just means, that if|you enjoy this show,{3234}{3300}you'll end up burning in|hell, right next to us.{3305}{3364}[Applause]{3459}{3508}Hi!|I'm Adam.{3514}{3556}And I'm his husband, Steven.{3561}{3599}And this is our story.{3609}{3639}In the beginning,{3649}{3691}God created the Heavens and the Earth.{3697}{3711}Wait a minute!{3721}{3769}That's not how it's supposed to begin.|You grabbed the wrong book.{3774}{3800}Sorry.{3945}{3975}In the beginning,{3985}{4036}God was... bored.{4041}{4086}He was all alone in the universe,{4092}{4136}and the thought of|being alone forever bothered Him.{4141}{4234}He realized what he needed were|beautiful beings to entertain Him.{4238}{4323}So, God created the angels.{4394}{4442}And they were hot.{4468}{4529}Each angel was hot...|and sexy...{4540}{4572}and male.{5812}{5886}God loved the angels, but soon|realized that He wanted more.{5891}{5933}So, God created the Earth.{5955}{6192}? He made the Earth full|ofbeauty and wonder.?{6218}{6442}? He made the skyfull|of stars like no one could.?{6462}{6674}? He made the oceans|and rivers and mountains.?{6678}{6769}? And He knew?{6774}{6869}? it was good.?{6874}{6989}? One day God came down to Earth|and summoned all His might.?{6994}{7089}? He took one look at|the darkness and said?{7114}{7164}Why the fuck is it|so dark down here?{7189}{7231}Oh, that's better.{7239}{7273}Aren 't they great?{7278}{7322}Let's show 'em angels!{7345}{7429}? It's God.|He's the one creator.?{7446}{7518}? It's God.|He's the entertainer.?{7523}{7589}? It's God.|He's the great orator.?{7595}{7665}? It's God.|He's the mastur...?{7670}{7689}[Gasp]{7694}{7737}What?|He is the master.{7778}{7831}? I am God.?{7907}{7971}? I created the plants|and the trees.?{7976}{8063}? I made all the animals -|the birds and the bees.?{8068}{8140}? I made everything that you see,?{8145}{8213}? but none of it satisfied me.?{8217}{8290}? I needed interaction and drama.?{8309}{8379}? I needed something|entertaining to see.?{8404}{8465}? I loved all the stuff|that I created,?{8474}{8553}? but it's like a nature show on TV..?{8586}{8631}So God created a man.{8746}{8796}Adam was just what God wanted.{8808}{8844}A man to do the gardening,{8849}{8884}take care of the animals.{8892}{8980}But, Adam was lonely.{8988}{9060}And, God wasn't very fond of what|Adam was doing with the animals.{9064}{9103}[Baa... ]{9107}{9191}So God created Eve, a woman for Adam.{9394}{9434}And they were happy.{9462}{9487}For a while.{9492}{9530}You couldn't even make|me something to eat?{9535}{9576}Don't you start with me!{9583}{9662}But the shit hit the fan when|they ate God's favorite fruit.{9672}{9725}Here!|Eat this.{9851}{9898}Jesus Christ!{9903}{9925}Yes daddy?{9930}{9989}Nothing.|Go back to bed.{10026}{10089}It wasn't my fault. I swear.{10094}{10130}It was a serpent.{10135}{10184}Yeah, a serpent.{10225}{10306}? And so I threw them both|out of my garden.?{10321}{10383}? What else was there for me to do??{10397}{10457}? But then the garden|just seemed so empty,?{10467}{10566}? and I was depressed|and I was so blue.?{10571}{10642}Hey God.|Why don 't you try two men?{10662}{10718}What the hell!|Let's try it!{10766}{10847}? I made another Adam for my garden,?{10862}{10930}? but I didn't make another Eve.?{10947}{11023}? I made another man|a bit more sensitive,?{11029}{11213}? and I called him Steve!?{11266}{11362}? And that is how it all began,?{11367}{11476}? the story of Adam and Steve.?{11481}{11583}? Though it's not written|in the Bible,?{11593}{11704}? it's the truth from|above so believe.?{11714}{11885}? And now here's Adam and Steve.?{11890}{12008}? God bless Adam and Steve.?{12031}{12097}Just the way I made 'em!{12108}{12134}Really good show guys.{12138}{12177}Yeah, for a first preview, it|was actually pretty good.{12182}{12213}Where are you rushing off to?{12217}{12242}I don't do stage doors.{12248}{12270}What do you mean?{12274}{12338}There's nothing I hate more than|people at the stage door.{12343}{12383}They feel like they have to|tell you how good you are.{12387}{12444}It's fake and awkward|and I just don't do it.{12449}{12513}Oh look, Patti LuPone.{12530}{12559}Do you always beat|the audience?{12564}{12601}So far so good.{12606}{12636}What about your fans?{12641}{12674}My "fans"?|Yeah right.{12679}{12727}Oh, I'm working at|'Mostly Sondheim' later,{12732}{12754}so if you wanna stop by, let me know.{12758}{12823}I cant wait to hear some fat|guy singing "All that Jazz."{12828}{12969}Or some flamer singing "And|I am telling you, Sophie."{12974}{13055}Show tunes and booze kids.|That's what keeps me happy.{13059}{13082}I'll see you guys later.{13086}{13114}Yeah later.{13212}{13239}Oh, I'm sorry!{13249}{13284}No problem.|See you tomorrow.{13314}{13393}Hey babe.|Great first preview.{13398}{13467}See you soon.|Smiley face.{13476}{13508}We are so proud ofyou.{13513}{13589}You're gonna be such a|big starin New York City.{13594}{13621}It's just Off-Broadway.{13626}{13658}Just Off-Broadway?{13666}{13700}People would sell their souls{13704}{13765}to be starring in an Off-Broadway|show, and don't you forget it.{13770}{13841}We just wanted to call and tell|you how proud we are of you.{13854}{13885}And congratulations.{13890}{13919}Thank you.{13924}{13957}We have a surprise foryou.{13969}{14027}We're coming to your|opening night.{14069}{14113}Hey, we weren't going to|miss your big night, huh?{14118}{14142}Hey, we've been to all the others.{14147}{14197}How could we miss your first|New York City opening night?{14202}{14236}The first of many.{14241}{14263}Oh, great!{14268}{14331}Hey, we should let you go|and enjoy your success.{14336}{14380}Oh yeah, God bless.{14385}{14411}We love you honey.{14416}{14448}God bless.{14453}{14497}I love you too.{14706}{14782}Hi everyone.|Welcome to 'Mostly Sondheim!'{14787}{14821}We have one hell of a crowd here.{14826}{14888}'Mostly Sondheim' is like|an open mic night for show tunes.{14893}{14934}Every song you sing has|to be from a show{14939}{14985}or from a songwriter that|has written a show.{14990}{15026}Oh, actually you can|sing whatever you want{15031}{15077}if you tip twenty dollars.|We don 't care.{15082}{15129}And I couldn't imagine beginning|Mostly Sondheim{15134}{15184}without hearing my gorgeous co-host,{15194}{15297}Kate Pazakis' gregarious,|fabulous vocal chords.{15302}{15321}Gregarious?{15326}{15357}I don't know. I just|made up the word.{15362}{15409}So, hit it Jack! And|don't forget to tip.{15458}{15505}? Fridaynight.?{15510}{15609}? I spend the whole week|waiting for Friday night.?{15642}{15749}? Anticipating all the|lonely hearts.?{15754}{15882}? We all play parts on Friday night.?{15922}{16128}? 'Cause that's when|the party starts!?{16133}{16206}? And the party isn 't|over 'til the bar runs dry,?{16211}{16287}? and the next one too,|where you catch my eye.?{16297}{16450}? No the party isn 't over 'til we|hail a cab and I go home with you.?{16454}{16539}? See, the party isn't|over 'til I've seen your face.?{16544}{16616}? And I know it's you,|from outer space!?{16621}{16703}? And the party isn 't|over 'til I find the one.?{16708}{16874}? 'Til I fall in love with you!?{17020}{17047}Alright!{17082}{17147}Well, it's four AM, and you know|what that means, folks!{17152}{17214}You 're gonna finally play|some fucking Sondheim?{17219}{17305}No, it means you have to go home|and don't forget to tip!{17310}{17349}'Mostly Sondheim' my ass!{17353}{17405}They should call it|'Mostly Jason Robert Brown.'{17410}{17445}Goodnight everybody.|Get home safe!{17450}{17479}Goodnight!{17544}{17577}You're ready to go?{17582}{17649}I'm ready for a lot of things.{17654}{17715}Hmm, I like the way that sounds.{17834}{17869}Look!{17940}{18015}The homosexuals lifestyle is the|biggest threat our nation has,{18025}{18078}even more so than terrorism.{18084}{18131}And they call themselves Christians.{18144}{18185}Didn't Jesus say{18194}{18269}"Do to your neighbors as you|would have them do unto you"?{18274}{18347}Well, that sounds|like a good philosophy.{18418}{18431}Wait!{18436}{18449}What?{18458}{18516}No flood?|No Iightning?{18521}{18569}No wrath of God?{18584}{18631}I guess He approves.{18738}{18777}C'mon.{18783}{18830}We've gotta be|good neighbors.{20352}{20369}[Text signal]{20378}{20422}Another text from|the boyfriend?{20426}{20474}Sebastian is not my boyfriend.{20478}{20521}We've only been dating|a couple weeks.{20526}{20572}Honey, you've been|single forever.{20577}{20612}If I were you I'd call|him a boyfriend{20616}{... 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The Big Gay Musical, Muzyczne

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